Picture tells a thousand words

It's been 11 mths. That's a very long time to not do something, but it's happened every time I've tried to write a diary or start a routine. Not so much that nothing much occurred, more that so so so much has happened.

Perhaps I suddenly have a yearning to express myself again, especially in the quiet of the night when I can't sleep.

A picture tells a thousand words.

Also, big change happened to start the year.. life changing. will blog on that tomorrow.

Baby steps...

Chastened

I've been pondering on the words of 2 of my friends lately, particularly because I believe God was using them to send me a message.

First was a challenge - to ask myself what my focus is now. When we value anything more than God, this unsurrendered area becomes a bait that Satan uses against us. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you."

Second was a testimony - that being single allows one to explore who they are, to know and be confident of who they are, something that is more difficult once in a relationship.

The latter hit me, because I've often felt a disconnect between who I am and who I wished I was. I've often felt my direction in life careening like a pinball with 2 levers pushing me in differing directions.

The former.. to be honest I felt like I had been chastened and my reaction wasn't the best.

But today, this passage found me:

Hebrews 12:
5 And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons:
“ My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; 6 For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.”
7 If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?

Consider me chastened. I thank You, Father, for placing these brothers and sisters in Christ around me, that You may use them as messengers when I need You. I will endure, I will listen.

I've often felt that I can barely understand myself, how can I expect anyone else to then? So let me figure that out then, let me find out who I am. And let my life reflect that.

My prayer then, is that it will reflect that I love my Saviour, Jesus Christ, whose sacrifice means I am able to lead a victorious life, living life to its fullest.

Rediscovering old loves

Played tennis with my brother, cousin and uncle tonight, ended up playing 4 sets. That's a lot of tennis for me!

Thanks to my brother's return and YH's interest in tennis recently, managed to get in quite a bit of social tennis. Realised I quite missed it, am looking forward to playing more. :)

Business, not sports

Let me tell you a story:

A couple have five children, all who study real hard and always try their best:
- 1st son finishes his poly diploma, parents delighted
- 2nd daughter makes it to local uni, of course delighted, even tho fail to graduate
- 3rd son make it to local uni AND graduates, parents ecstatic
but none made it to Harvard, which to the couple is their dream.

Not likely the next 2 can make it, so they go to the top JC in Singapore and adopt a girl who is scoring straight 'A's, hoping she can make it to Harvard, but when she gets couple of 'B's in J2, couple get antsy and decide she can't get the Harvard place so they disown her. They then adopt another boy, who finally manages to make it to Harvard.

Do the parents feel as proud of the child they adopted for the sole purpose of seeing one of their children go through Harvard, or do they feel prouder of the children who they raised and managed to achieve something? (Oops, meanwhile, what happened to the 4th and 5th children? As long as didn't make it to Harvard, dunno dun care?)

I think you know where I'm going with this. Our table tennis girls gonna win an Olympics silver medal, swimming girl gets 5th in a final and sets Asian record. Do I feel happy for my country, proud even? I'm sorry, but I don't. If anything, I feel sad for the day one of the true Singaporeans wins a medal, it won't be the same cos it won't be the medal that ends years of waiting for Singapore.

We bring them in for the sole purpose of winning a medal, then cut their funding or send them back when they don't perform. Is that what sports is about? Winning, at all costs? Not for me it's not.

I am supposed to consider you Singaporean? Did you come because you fell in love with our island-nation, our culture? Nothing to do with the better chance to participate in the Olympics, nevermind which country you represent? Just cos you ask to carry the flag, sing the anthem during National Day, I'm gonna see you as Singaporean? Nah.

It's not like you happen to come here in your youth and grew to see Singapore as your home. It's a classic transaction, willing buyer willing seller - we needed an athlete capable of winning a medal, you needed a country willing / able to give you the opportunity. Business, not sports.

So, congratulations girls, on winning a medal. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for you, just not more than I am for Phelps winning 8 golds or Nadal winning gold.

I'm sure many will disagree with my opinion, probably one of the strongest I've ever posted. I'm curious to hear the reaction. :)

Eye of the Beholder

It is often said that history is written by the victorious. It seems like a rather sobering realisation, given the way our history textbooks portray their version as fact, rather than emphasise the context and perspective within which that version was written.

Anyway, I've been following the Olympics mostly via the official website maintained by China and ESPN (obviously American). It amuses me that, in the midst of the battle for sporting supremacy, there is another battle to write the sporting history books.

Case in point - portrayal of medal tallies:

China (1st, in terms of gold medals):


USA (1st, in terms of total medals):


Go figure.

Lombok pics!

Finally got the pictures from JD!

Lombok July 2008

Looking back, I'm amazed that I chose to go on this trip, not just to climb a mountain, but to do so with a group I don't know that well. Am glad I did!

Generation gap

A few weeks ago, one of our newer associates, JE, came up with a term that I've never heard before:

Chillaxing

I've never heard that term before. Generation gap in 4 years???

As it turns out though, couple of others have! I've narrowed this generation gap down to Generation X (up to 1979 babies) vs Generation Y (1980 onwards).

Do you know the term?

Flame lighting

Reading the news today, realised it's tough to have NDP when the whole world's talking about yesterday's Olympics Opening Ceremony.

Never occurred to me that the Opening Ceremony would require secrecy, but I realised that it's largely cos everyone wonders who gets to light the Olympic flame and how it gets done. ESPN's take on this year's:

"It ended in spectacular fashion, when China's first Olympic superstar, 1984 gymnastics triple gold medalist Li Ning, was hoisted by wires to the top of the stadium, circled the entire circumference as though he was spacewalking, then used his torch to send a torrent of flame spiraling upward to light the Olympic flame in a huge cauldron overlooking Beijing."

Spectacular meh..? Wanted to show you the youtube clip of the flame lighting in case you missed it, but:


I guess IP rights prevailed pretty quickly. Anyway, needless to say, I don't think an old man spacewalking while suspending by wires really impresses me.

You know what does though? 1992 Barcelona Olympics, which till today remains the best flame lighting ever in my opinion. An archer entrusted with the responsibility of lighting a cauldron up and far away, with at least a billion people watching you? Talk about pressure! Respect, I say!

You judge for yourself:

Party of the year?

Heard on the radio on my way home - "Today we interview the man responsible for the party of the year here in Singapore, the event everyone is waiting for..."

Me (in my head): "what party? Singfest? Beijing Opening ceremony?"
Radio: "...NDP 2008"
Me: "OH. Oops!"

Brother's coming home tomorrow... so excited!! And there's Lizzie's party on Sunday. Looking forward to this weekend!!

Army blessings

I was actually very blessed when I was serving my NS, having a boss who basically let me come and go as I pleased as long as I got the job done (that must have been my first experience with the kind of boss I borderline demand to have nowadays :P)

Now, during this round of reservist, I have once again received God's blessings. Shan't go into details, but suffice to say, I can attend grandauntie's golden anniversary on National Day, can attend Lizzie's bday party Sunday and will see lotsa my brother when he comes back Saturday! Office hours... am really so glad, so delighted.

I know that nothing happens by accident, Lord. I will make good use of this time. :)

Shine

Got my car polished today... look at her all shiny :)

Don't worry little one, I'll be keeping you a while yet

Hard work

Was the first weekend I worked in a loooong while. (Side note - I've actually had quite a slack and good life for a while now, no complaints :P).

Ideally, I wouldn't have gone to work on Friday. But with AL manning the fort on 2 engagements, I just couldn't leave a friend in the lurch. So in the end, worked through the whole weekend, going back on both Sat and Sun.

Measure of times... after a one-off weekend like that, we decided we needed to reward ourselves, walking out at 5pm and going for a drink. This is a team I like, we work hard, we play hard. Now if only my boss will come back soon and stop others from eating our business. :P

Silence

Silence...so revered, so misunderstood... so many perceptions of it, often misunderstood - it can mean hostility, anger, dissent, oppression, awkwardness, earily, protest.

Yet, silence has often been praised / raised up - silence is golden. Restraint has often been praised, raised as a virtue or true friend. People claim to remember silence more than words, solitary often suggested as good for the soul.

Hey, we even have silent retreats...

Above all... it can be deafening. My ear drums are bursting...

Words to remember

WL recently shared with me, JK Rowling's Commencement Address at Harvard in June, a truly inspiring (tho distinctly God-neutral) speech. I may not remember a word from my own graduation, but I'll probably remember many of hers here.

I encourage you to watch/read it here:

http://harvardmagazine.com/go/jkrowling.html

One part I take away from this speech - "I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty."

I have in the past had the tendency to blame my parents for things in my life which I don't like. This is a strong (and stern) reminder never to do that again and to just do something about it rather than whinging about it.

Adventure!

Am finally back from Lombok and what a trip it was. From the onset, drama and adventure!

First off, we waited for the whole group to arrive before checking in, but the airline closed the check-in facilities while we were checking in. So we missed our flight, no other flights till Monday! After an hour of arguing with the airline, they agreed to put us on the waiting list for Bali, but there were 5 people ahead of the 6 of us in the waiting list. In the end, there were 7 seats open with 2 people left to check in, so we were left waiting anxiously for the final few minutes. But they didn't show, so miraculously (and the duty manager indeed said it would take a miracle), we all made it on that flight!

Next day, we made our way to Lombok and opted to travel by "fast boat", which turned out to be a slow public ferry which effectively took 7 hours. When we finally arrived at Lombok, it was low tide so we couldn't disembark. We had climbed off the side of the ferry and got these small boats which came up to the ferry to bring us to shore, finally reaching Lombok 24 hours later than expected.

So our climb of Mt. Rinjani was cut short from 4D3N to 3D2N. Turned out to be one of the toughest physical and mental experiences I've ever gone through (voluntarily at least, army doesn't count and I was waaaay fitter then). I could barely feel my legs each day, especially my calves and quads. On the last day we climbed all the way down for more than 8 hours, by the end my knees were seriously in pain.

During the trip, I was wondering what in the world I was thinking, paying money to put myself through this. Once it was over though, I'm proud of what I achieved. And like our guide happily pointed out to us, as a group we did it laughing and smiling, even though we were completely exhausted. :)

I also realised that I now appreciate natural sights infinitely more than man-made sights, because it allows me to appreciate the beauty of God's creation. The amazing mountain sights, beautiful lake, sunrise/sunset above the clouds, the most number of stars I have ever seen on a single clear night (it had to be thousands!)... God of Wonders, Your creation is so beautiful, I could only stare and marvel.

I'll let the pictures tell the story, once I get the full set from JD, our team photographer.

Ready to go

All packed and ready to go. Considering it's a 6D5N trip, I packed shockingly light (8kg). One of the more exciting trips I've done in recent years, going climbing Mt. Rinjani in Lombok. Apparently it's one of the tallest active volcanoes in Southeast Asia.

Timing's really off, got 2 engagements going on this week and feel really bad for not being around.

In any case, gotta go back to my favourite axiom - things I can control, things I can't control. Will make the best of it!

Whatever

I'm fed up with this, fed up with myself.

I'm not going to let this go on, need to get a grip.

If that's the way it has to be, then so be it.

AADD

Adult Attention-deficit disorder - a condition, marked by inattentiveness, difficulty getting work done, procrastination, and/or organization problems.

The Hallowell Center identifies the following indicators to consider when AADD is suspected and recommends that individuals with at least twelve of the following behaviours since childhood consider professional diagnosis:

1. A sense of under-achievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished). Check (Count - 1)

2. Difficulty getting organised Check (Count - 2)

3. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started Double Check (Count - 3)

4. Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through. (that's my bosses fault, wun blame myself. haha)

5. A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark. Confirm Check (Count - 4)

6. A frequent search for high stimulation.

7. An intolerance of boredom. Check (Count - 5)

8. Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away Check (Count - 6)

9. Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent

10. Trouble in going through established channels and following proper procedure. Confirm Check, haha... (Count - 7)

11. Impatient; low tolerance of frustration Check (Count - 8)

12. Impulsive, either verbally or in action Check (Count - 9)

13. Changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans and the like; hot-tempered. Must be the most tell-tale sign! Check Check Check (Count - 10)

14. A tendency to worry needlessly

15. A sense of insecurity Check (Count - 11)

16. Mood swings Check (Count - 12)

17. Physical or cognitive restlessness

18. A tendency toward addictive behaviour Check (Count - 13)

19. Chronic problems with self-esteem

20. Inaccurate self-observation (paradox - if i say yes, does that then mean no?)

Total - 13!

"AADD is recognized as a disability under U.S. federal legislation" - does that mean I can downgrade???

*Disclaimer -
I don't serious think I have a clinical problem. I'd much rather have a rebel-without-a-cause personality than a clinical problem. Neither am I poking fun at those who are diagnosed with this. But I do have many of these characteristics.

Living Sacrifice

We had cell retreat today and I really thank God for blessing the day. Am really encouraged and refreshed.

Every time I take stock of my life and give thanks to God, I always have to start with family and cell - the selfless love from you that God has blessed me with, I can only pray that I can give as much as I have received.

So many times, in the tough moments, I have blessed by music. I bought this CD so long ago, but only today this song really struck me, words that could have come straight from my heart -

What It Means
Jeremy Camp

I've been here a thousand times before
Face down on the floor
Wondering how I even reached this place again
But You have shown so endlessly,
how Your love pours over me
No picture can re-create the beauty that I see

Chorus:
Show me what it means, to live my life a sacrifice
If only I would realise how much it took to pay the price
I know I'd always give, everything to You

I want this world to always see
Your perfect majesty
Reflecting from my life this brilliant poetry
Written all over this place
The signs of all creation that You breathed
Words can't even state how much You mean to me

Bridge:
I want to face my very crime
Of not giving all of mine
But I can feel the hope You bring to me

Oz!

Holiday in Sydney and Melbourne, traveled with my cousin Andrew. Lotsa walking and eating, lotsa fun. :)

Australia July 2008

dunno why I never fancied Australia much last time. Brilliant lifestyle, places, etc.. tempting place to go to. but it's just not home lah. :P