Further but closer

It's been 2 weeks since my brother flew to Geneva. In the time since, it feels like my family is closer than ever.

I started this family email group for the 5 of us some time back. Perhaps the distance has helped in a strange way, but it seems like all 5 of us have been emailing back and forth every day. Case in point - we had like 51 emails over 7 days, just talking about our December holiday plans.

I'm glad.. and I thank God for my family. We may not always agree with each other, we may not always communicate much, but I know there's a closeness that makes my family my haven. I have never missed Christmas with my family before, so glad this year we'll get to spend it together again, this time overseas. :)

Still

We sang this today for worship during cell meeting... have you ever felt it, when the words of a song feel like the Holy Spirit is giving you the words to say, straight from your heart. I dare say I truly felt God's presence with us during cell tonight.

Still
Reuben Morgan

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

Where are you, my voice?

After the first week, my voice feels sore as ever. With 12 hours in class and another 16 in FSRC, I am mildly concerned if I can keep this up week after week. By the 2nd week, I find myself on MC, down with the flu (or is it sore throat) of sorts.

I count 171 students in my module and another 19 in FSRC. Kinda hard to remember all the names, but I'm working at it.

One thing's for sure though... I definitely enjoy FSRC more than traditional classroom teaching. In FSRC, I get to teach them whatever I want, set them whatever project I want them to do. It is here that my experience has the most relevance, e.g. showing them how to use the Bloomberg machine. I also got them to play a stock trading game/role play, where we simulated a trading pit and some of the students were the brokers, some the stock exchange and the rest the investors. That was quite some fun.

Classroom teaching on the other hand... it's tough. I have one hour to deliver a fixed set of material and classroom control consumes so much energy. I so very much want to find new ways of teaching the material, but with so little time and so much material, I can't afford to try new things or wait for them to participate. So in the end, I feel like I'm dragging them through the questions and answers, then end the class. Problem too is that to make it interesting with stories, I don't have that wealth of experience so I need to do lotsa research. But I'm so tired!

My boss tells me he wants to introduce financial modelling to FSRC one day. Gets me all excited! Kinda miss financial modelling...

Major bummer came in the form of an arrow, firstly that I have to co-ordinate the Certificate in Fund Administration course in late November, then that I have to teach one of the sessions that week. The class is in fund administration... how stress is that? I not only have to teach an area I have not worked in before, but I have to teach it to a class of adults who mostly have years of experience in that line! Hai...

Overall, feeling very physically tired. I'm told I look more tired at 6pm than I used to be at midnight. No energy to clear O/S list...

O/S List
1. Specialist Diploma study guides
2. Module 3rd common test questions
3. Module Exam questions

Day One

Day One of teaching... what a day

830am - Unlocking doors for the Financial Services Resource centre this week, where I supervise projects for students in a simulated working banking environment. Conduct intro session for the new batch in FSRC by myself and set them something to do, before rushing off to class.

11am - First ever class! Quite an enthusiastic class, lab session, goes quite well. I've been told that the accounting diploma students are quite quiet and studious (cue the accountant jokes), so I guess it held true for this class

2pm - First ever tutorial! This time, extremely noisy class, can feel the effect on my voice, trying to control the class. I've been told that marketing diploma classes tend to be pretty boisterous and while I'm loathe to generalise, it certainly holds true here.

3pm - Back to FSRC. Monday's not supposed to be my turn here (Tue & Fri afternoons only), but I'm standing in for my colleague who's on leave this week. Teaching them ethics, which goes very well considering how boring it can be. Got them to role play all the different roles in the Enron scandal, so think they had fun.

530pm - Finally lock up FSRC. Man...what a start. Seems like everything came together at the same time. So tired, no energy to do O/S list.

O/S List
1. Specialist Diploma study guides
2. Module 3rd common test questions
3. Module Exam questions

Show time

I've been waiting 6 weeks since I started work, tomorrow I conduct my first lecture, first tutorial and first lab session.

It's been a balance of excitement and dread over the 6 weeks, but now that it's here and there are so many last minute things happening, so many thoughts flying thru my mind -

"Can I relate to the students?"
"Can I control the classes and not let discipline go completely out of the window?"
"Will the fact that I look so much younger than the other lecturers impede my ability to teach?"
"Do I have the energy to keep trying to make my classes interesting for them?"
"Do I have what it takes?"

heh, what can I say. Stress lah. It's like a presentation at work, except that it would be my toughest clients yet. haha...

Just got to get past tomorrow, after that everything will be much better. Right now, heart's beating so fast and stomach's stuffed with butterflies.

Father, grant me Your peace that comes with letting You take control. Give me the courage to do what I know is Your plan for me.

Cook-Out!

Aside from cooking in uni (for survival) and army (barely counts) days, I have hardly ever touched anything in the kitchen back home.

Today for the first time, I actually tried cooking in my home. The place I've been staying for the better part of my 28 years. Yes, first time.

Hari Raya Cook-out

Was also our first time cooking together. :) Won't tell you who cooked what. you guess :P

Swiiiiish

That's what you're likely to hear when I'm playing. Hee... just bought a badminton racket. First racket of any kind I own in dunno how many many years man!

Going to try it out this evening... swish swish swish :)

p.s. if you didn't get that, i mean i keep missing!

8 p.m. - *pant* *pant* *pant* am clearly in need of some fitness

I finished a book!

I just finished reading "The Short History of Christianity", probably the first non-fiction book I've actually started and finished in a while (usually it's just John Grisham or Star Wars).

Stephen Tomkins wrote it from a religion-neutral standpoint and injection his own brand of humour. I guess much of the history I knew from reading European history, membership class in PLMC or visiting churches around Europe. Even so, I gotta say, the history of the church is gory, distasteful and sometimes downright sickening. Also reminded me of my tremendous discomfort when I visited the Vatican and saw statue after statue of popes and saints.

So how does one react to it? I see it as this - people are imperfect, the church is fallible. But God is not. His Word is not. So no matter how discouraged one can sometimes get looking at some churches or church leaders (disclaimer - I'm not pinpointing anybody or any church!), we can find our bearings and comfort from the Bible.

It reminds me of what I was told as I was starting out as a Sunday School teacher almost 10 years ago. Our lessons must always draw the points back to the Bible, because that's the foundation of what we believe in. If not it's just a guy telling stories to a group of teenagers.

Quite excited that I started reading again. :)

Bye

Had dinner with my family for likely the last time before my brother flies off on Sunday.

It's one of those things you knew was coming and didn't really hit you till now:

He's going for good.

I guess I always thought it'd be like going overseas study and one day he'll be back. But I realised last night this time it's different:

He's going for good.

We're very different personalities and have often clashed over the years. End of the day though, he's my brother. There has always been a magical happiness at home when all 5 of us are together.

Bye Xian, home's not the same without you around.

Offering

Father,

You are my peace. Your love brings me warmth, Your assurance brings me comfort.

Thank You Lord...

Offering
Paul Baloche

The sun cannot compare to the glory of Your love
There is no shadow in Your Presence
No mortal man would dare to stand before Your throne
Before the Holy One of heaven
It's only by Your Blood and it's only through you mercy
Lord I come

I bring an offering of worship to my King
No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing
Jesus may You receive the honour that You're due
O Lord I bring an offering to You
I bring an offering to You

Oct 7 -

Amazingly, they sang this song for today's worship!

I can't find it

During the PLMC Cell Church Conference last year, we sang a song which has stuck in my head since.

However, I can't seem to find the song anywhere, not even on the internet.

This is what I remember of it:

"Glory to the King forever You have made me glad
I will sing I will shout Your praises forever
...
Holy One, I praise You now,
for You O Lord are the mighty one who reigns
Shout for joy..."

Anyone know what is the title of this song and who sang it?

3 Oct -

I found it! Thanks May San!

Glorify
Paul Zaia

Glory to the King forever You have made me glad
I will sing, I will shout, I will clap my hands
In Your presence now and forever

You O God are the mighty King Ruler of the Earth
Let Your presence come Let Your will be done
As Your praises fill this place

Chorus:
Holy One, I praise You now
For You O God, are the Mighty One who reigns
Shout for joy, I lift Your Name on high
Let the people come and glorify Your Name
Glorify Your Name

Bridge:
Let Your glory fill the earth
Let the kings fall at Your feet
And proclaim that You are Lord
Every tribe and every tongue
Will declare the things that You’ve done
And proclaim that You are Lord

Because of His Love

It's been a tough and trying 2 months for me. I have been reminded during that time on several occasions that we need to put God at the centre of our lives.

Last Sunday, during service I felt a prompting from God to use the movie Passion of Christ for our cg meeting on the coming Friday. Before we watched the movie on Friday, Jeanette led worship with a song which touched my heart deeply:

"Before the world began you were on His mind
And every tear you cry is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love He gave His only Son
Everything was done so you would come

Nothing you can do could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done could make Him close the door
Because of His great love He gave His only Son
Everything was done so you would come"

After that, as we watched the movie, I was constantly reminded of how much our Lord and Saviour loves us and truly what sacrifice is - to do something you don't want to do, for the sake of another.

During today's service, I was again constantly reminded of how God has a plan for me, how God is calling me. How every time in my life I have found peace and joy, it has been when I put Him first in my life and obeyed.

As I drove home after service, I happened to listen this song and I felt God speaking to me again:

As we come into Your presence we remember every blessing
That You've poured out so freely from above
Lifting gratitude and praises for compassion so amazing
Lord, we've come to give You thanks for all You've done

Because of Your love, we're forgiven
Because of Your love, our hearts are clean
We lift You up with songs of freedom
Forever we're changed because of Your love

We are changed. I believe that this is what God is speaking to me. Jesus paid the price for our lives, we are we going to do with our changed life now?

Two things which I have been putting off/pushing away for some time now:

1) BSF - I have been invited again and again to attend the intro session at BSF. For a variety of reasons (work, personal commitments, family commitments, personal issues, fear that I won't be able to commit, etc), I have yet to attend even the intro session. I feel a pull to attend it.

2) FSC - Our Covanent Family Service Centre has been looking for volunteers to give tuition to lower primary children for some time now. More than a year ago, I inquired about it but was unable to commit to weekly evening sessions. As I prayed today, I felt a prompting to do this. I haven't called them yet, but will do so tomorrow and step up.

I have taken the first step in listening to God's plan for my life and am already beginning to see why God wanted me to move to NYP. I will now take the next few baby steps.

Thank you Father, for your love for me. For never forsaking me even tho I have turned away so many times. For Your grace in my life. Thank you.

Be prepared

That's the scouts' motto my mum always talked about when I was young. Also the message I've been getting when it comes to lesson planning.

Quite a few weeks. Seems like I've been going for course after course after course, like they're pumping me with training before the start of the semester.

Brief recap -
1) went for induction course, was totally blown away by what the poly students are learning and can do
2) went for virtual classroom course, it's amazing what students have in the classroom nowadays
3) went for a teaching course, which claims to do in 7 days what NIE does in a year

but you know what? the course was conducted by a guy who was probably the most engaging teacher I have ever had in all my years of classes. no kidding.

i am excited. inspired even. so much to teach, so many ways to do it.

on the last day, we were asked to give a presentation on what we learnt. my final line of what i presented, the most impt lesson - "There is no subject so boring, no classroom so small, no facilities so inadequate, that a lesson can't be made interesting or fun for a class."

It is my hope and prayer that when the mountain of admin or development work comes my way, I will never forget this lesson, never let them down by not preparing enough for my classes.

I'll do good to remember. First lecture on the first day of the new sem, 15 Oct - Business Ethics. zzz...

Faith

GE 17:15 God also said to Abraham, "As for Sarai your wife, you are no longer to call her Sarai; her name will be Sarah. 16 I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her."

GE 17:17 Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, "Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?"

GE 21:1 Now the LORD was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did for Sarah what he had promised. 2 Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him.

GE 22:2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

GE 22:12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

GE 22:15 The angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time 16 and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, 17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, 18 and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."


Are we capable of such faith like Abraham had? Is there anything that we withhold from Him? If we have faith and God answers our deepest prayers, do we have the same faith to believe if that answered prayer is then snatched away from us?

What is faith if not for the opportunity to show it...

So silly

Sometimes we make the most bone-headed split second decisions.

Was driving on the CTE yesterday and realised my exit had come up. Tried to move to the exit lane but this monster truck wouldn't let me. So I slowed down and tried to squeeze behind him. In doing so, I underestimated the length of the truck.

So...

Hai... my poor car. So silly.

First contact

I had my first real contact with students today, sat in for a student group presentation session. I had the opportunity to gauge the level of understanding I would be encountering going forward, even asked a couple of questions!

I quite enjoyed it and I am looking forward to more of the same. Thing is, this project-type module extends for the whole semester everyday. So the lecturers take turns facilitating and keeping tabs on their progress. We have to split our time between this and development work. Most of them pretty busy with the development work, I'd rather be spending more time in the classroom with the students! Haha, think they wouldn't mind me volunteering for more facilitating. :P

Anyway, I have been trying to balance the need to finish my work (research, preparation of lecture slides/study guides) and the realisation that I don't need to work late to do that. After leaving at 6pm the first 2 days, was feeling kinda bad that my boss (who sits in the same room) was leaving later than me (oops, EY culture coming back). So yesterday I stayed behind to continue with my work for a while and see what time he left.

Aiyah, 1845 leave already. I left at 7pm, thinking "hey, not bad, still leaving pretty early." I go to the carpark...

Note: carpark was full in the morning

Granted it's vacation period so most are not as busy, but..... I like. hahaha...

Back to work!

Yesterday was the first day at nyp. Have never been too comfortable with completely new environments and getting used to new colleagues again. Nevertheless, lots to be excited about....

you're kidding, my name is on the door! (oh wait, i have a door!!)

no way, i have a new laptop too? what's that, a new portable harddisk?!

my corner of the room. given that i'm seasonally tidy, wont be bare for long, me thinks...

I think the biggest surprise of all was that they assigned an IT guy to set up the computer for me... literally. He set up the cable lock on the desk, plug in my laptop, plug in my portable harddisk, show me around the computer and what areas need what passwords... totally blown away!

*cough* *erhemm*... Mr. Ee, can we have some lecturer-like decorum please.

haha, okok. On another note, I'm sorry (no, actually I'm not), but I need to ask. Ernst & Young, pulling millions and millions of revenue every year, but I used a 4th generation (probably at least 7 years?) laptop and had perpetual IT problems. But I go into poly and I get such good support that i only need to focus on my work. If only I had that luxury in EY, man.

Okok, not supposed to turn this into a whinging site. End of the day, I really thank God that I've had such a smooth start to my new job. And that I've been assigned to teach Business Finance, which was what I had requested all along.

Am excited... more to come!

Holiday pics

Edna, Shu Wen and I have been talking about going on holiday for years. That finally happened this year.

US May/June 2007

Enjoy!

Are they related?

Seen on a banner near my home:

Dengue and dog's poo...?

No regrets

I have always tried my best to live life without regrets. The way I see it, I try to make the best decisions I can make at that point in time. Even if it ultimately doesn't pan out, I couldn't have known at that time mah. So no regrets.

Given that I have spent the greater part of the past 4 years complaining about working in EY, one might think I would have lotsa regrets? But no actually. I know why I forced myself to last the 4 years, trying to complete my CA and CFA. But it's not just about that. 4 whole years - that's almost half of my 20s! Was it worth it?

So much I've experienced in that time. I've learnt from so many people who bothered to mentor me, been inspired to do the same for others, felt the pride of being good at my job, felt so much anger and hatred at one boss I thought I was going to lose my soul, learnt to let go and lean on God, made friends, found love. In many ways, it has shaped me, shown me the kind of person I can be and wanna be.

Do I wish the past 4 years went differently? Perhaps. Do I have any regrets? No. It was a necessary part of my journey.