Got it!

It's been hinted and seemingly more and more likely, but I didn't dare believe it yet. Yesterday afternoon though, the first guy who interviewed me (you'll remember it as the one I thought I seriously bombed out) to tell me they were offering me the job! In that moment, all the anxiety, all the hopes, all the wishes, they were freed.

Having thought about why I am doing this for so long, I can only conclude that it is just something I wanted and felt I needed to do. For so many reasons, most of which I accept may not be ideal. Wanting to get real exposure in the industry I have found very interesting to me (as oppose to EY-type exposure), wanting to see how a real MNC works (as opposed to local firm pretending to be MNC), wanting to get the experience of being in a bank. I admit, this is a career-changing opportunity that will give me access to many jobs I never even had a chance to consider in the past.

But I still wanted to try to commit this to God, tho my will was so strong. I asked God to please close this door if You do not want this for me, because I do not have the strength to say no on my own.

Yet..the contract came in today, 1 day before my last day so I don't go jobless and few days before I go to army on Monday so I have a chance to defer. The timing is so incredible I really felt in that moment that the timing was His.

Later in the night, I felt this prompting that reminded me that He had provided and I had been blessed by Him.

Father, I know I have been blessed by You. Maybe in some way You have given me this path because of the year I had and how much I wanted it, maybe You want me to experience it one time jialat jialat and admit to myself how illogical it is to do this for long.

But ultimately I know that whatever blessing comes from You, and I will bless others because I have been blessed by You. I will ask the brothers in cell to keep me accountable, I will not disappear from You, Lord.

I went down to sign the contract today. When lcc saw me after, he said I was seriously beaming. Sure, there's unlikely to be beaming at 3am next time, but for one night, I would scarcely believe that I had gotten the job.

Somewhere in the Middle

Had a quick interview with DB (6th one for those still counting) last Thursday, guy basically treated like a social call, rather than an interview, since he had interviewed me by phone a month back. But he was confusing, on one hand saying they wanted to "take things to the next level" and "offer me a position as analyst", but also qualifying with "these things are never finalised until they are finalised". Then today recruiter called to discuss start date, saying she doesn't want to jump the gun, but it does look like it's in the bag. All I can say is I'll believe when I see it...

I have been trying to put together and share my thoughts, why I have seemingly gone one extreme in life to the other, why I seem to have taken one path, only to completely backtrack and take another. So many thoughts, many of which go to the very core of who I am.

I was driving home last week thinking about this, when I heard this song which I had heard many times. But this time I happened to listen to lyrics more carefully and I realised it summarises what I feel completely. I really am somewhere in the middle. Does that make me lukewarm? I don't think so, I believe it means I recognise my humanity and I am always trying, always seeking my Saviour.

So, at the risk of turning my blog into a Casting Crowns site, I want to share this song with you:

Somewhere In The Middle
Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Friendship

It is such a over-used and mis-used word sometimes. Still, God has truly blessed me richly in this regard. Over the years, I have really come to appreciate my close friends, whether they are here in Singapore or overseas. Friends from cell, sailing, sch, church, work, I thank God for them all. :)

Keith flew in last Friday for Michelle's wedding. Together with Ke-Yue, 3 of us met up on Saturday for her wedding. After Keith and I pigged out at chomp chomp on bbq sting-ray, sambal kang kong, chai tau quay, or luat and satay, it was basically a night of ps3 for 3 of us (for one, only after the kids were asleep of course).

Quite a sight - three 28 year olds, a lawyer/father, lecturer and engineer (sounds like the start of a lame joke huh), playing video games like kids. But there was something special about it to me. It was like time had not changed our friendships and for a few hours (quite a few in fact), it was really like 10 years ago, an escape from the stresses, troubles and worries in each of our lives.

I treasure these precious moments. Thank You Lord for friends.

Excruciating

Was informed by the recruiter that I am on the final shortlist of 2 for the DB job. 1-2 more interviews, then decision hopefully by next week.

With army and joblessness looming, my anxiety levels can't help but go up.

Viola asked me if I reeeally want this job. It's a question that's been on my mind for so long, will organise the many thoughts on that in next post.

Meanwhile, staff performance went ok today. Don't think I've gone on stage like that since I was in Pri sch! haha... tomorrow I face my students, I can just see the laughter. :P

Public humiliation

So much been going on, yet somehow seems like not much to talk about. Anyway, briefly...

Had Round 5 yesterday with DB. Finally it was with someone at ground level, likely the senior analyst I would be working directly with if I get the job. Got a fair bit of her questions wrong, but I get the feeling none were particularly crucial and the point was that she could get along with me (since it's a team of 2 currently only).

Last 2 weeks in poly...work still going crazy since I got back. Finally cleared the SDip study guides, kena arrow do SDip exam questions. Now finished that, must mark common test for my students by this week.

But worst worst worst of all...this week there is an awards ceremony for TEP (the work exposure/project class that I supervise), some clever senior fella decides it's a wise idea to make lecturers humiliate themselves in front of their students. So being the youngest one, natural arrow. 9 of us, song and dance routine tomorrow...SIGH... first dance to Mama Mia, then (hair stand alert)...sing this song:

We Are The TEPians
(to the tune of We are the World)

There comes a time, when we hear a certain call
When the school must come together as ONE
There are students learning
And it's time we lend them a hand cause
TEACHING is the greatest gift of all

We can go on, teaching day and night
That someone, somewhere will soon make us proud
We are all a part of SBM's Great Big Family
And the truth you know that
Love is all we give

CHORUS:
You are the TEPians, We are the lecturers
We are the ones, who make a brighter day
So let's start learning
There's a choice you're making
We will teach everything we can
It's true, we'll make a better day, just for you and me

Give me your time so you'll know that we can teach
And your skills will be stronger and free.
As we have shown you, by learning year by year
And so we all, must teach you, all we can

p.s. Stop laughing... I tell you, if this gets onto youtube, bury my head in the ground. Heh :P

Pictures of UK and Ghent

Uploaded some pictures of the trip... at the end of the day, though it was a pretty unfortunate time to be ill, I was glad to be together with the whole family again, laughing and joking. :)

UK/Ghent December 2007

Prayer for the year

Dear Lord,

In previous years, I would have to spend some time reflecting on the past year, what has been good, what has been bad. But this year...in so many ways, 2007 has been such a horrible year for me, easily the worst of my 28 years. What is even more frustrating is that You know i confessed that I had gone astray for the first 4 months of the year, but had committed everything to You after that, my career, my personal life.

Father, I know that You will never put us through more than we can handle, but You're seriously pushing it close to the limit!

But You know what? I thank You Father, for the life changing experience over the past 2 years, the difference of having You permeate my whole life, rather than just a part of it. And inspite of everything that has happened, I can know and say this with conviction -

Jesus, my Saviour, I know You will always love me, guide me, care for me. And You know that though my thots and actions may not always show it, You will always be in my heart, every fibre of my being. Your love for me gives me ultimate hope in life, of the future, of everything, and to that I can only say - I love You.

So this is my prayer for 2008, Lord. I pray that no matter what happens in my life, somehow Your love will still shine through me. I pray too for your blessing, Abba Father, let this be a better year. Let this be a happier year.

Amen.

East to West

East to West
Casting Crowns

Here I am Lord, and I'm drowning
in your sea of forgetfulness
the chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I dont want to end up where you found me
and it echoes in my mind,
keeps me awake tonight

I know you cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
and I stand before you now,as if I've never sinned
but today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
from you leaving me this way

and Jesus can you show me
just how far the east is from the west
cause I can't bear to see the man I've been rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest,
cause you know just how far the East is from the West
from one scarred hand to the other.

I start the day the war begins
endless reminding of my sin
time and time again your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
today I feel like I'm just one mistake away,
from you leaving me this way

and Jesus can you show me,
just how far the East is from the West
cause I can't bear to see the man I've been rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest
cause you know just how far the East is from the West
from one scarred hand to the other.

I know you've washed me white,
turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through,
to get me through this night
can't live by what I feel
but by the Truth your Word reveals,
I'm not holding on to you
but you're holding on to me,
you're holding on to me

Jesus you know just how far the East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been, rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest'
cause you know just how far the East is from the West,
from one scarred hand to the other.

Accidental puns

Just got back from Ghent, Belgium. (Others were right, there is really nothing much in Ghent)

Anyway, little lunch time exchange while we were there, when my brother David and my Dad were eating steak:

Me: How was your steak done?

David: They did it medium, like I asked.

Me: Wow, that's very rare.

*dop!*

Later...

Mum (to Dad): How was your steak done? Medium rare?

Dad: No, medium well, like I asked.

Me: Well done.

*dop!* *dop!*

*cough*

Just got back from 3 day road trip to North of England. Unfortunately though, the bug which I've been slowly coming down with became full blown over these 3 days. Was fun travelling with family, tho naturally not the same with cough, fever, headache, running nose, all hitting me one by one.

Will post pictures to describe the trip when I get better. Hope that happens soon, cos taking Eurostar to Belgium in 2 days.

I've been blogged!

Dennis mentioned a couple of weeks back that some teachers found that their students had blogged about them. I decided that I would try and see if my students have been blogging about me.

Sure enough, some did! I dunno why I am so shocked, but I am. Here are some of the comments:

"so funny.. and Mr. Mark E was so random to talk about Ben and Jerry's operations and internal control.. dotz"

"And funny Mr Mark E. He came in just to talk about Contract for Different (CFD), then he left. dot.z"

"Learning the Bloomberg system, today mark e come teach us. I totally dunno how to use... crazy system, why people wan to invest such weird systems whereby not really everybody will rmb"

Ah well... could have been a whoooole lot worse. Hahaha...

(oh ya, call me paranoid, but I refrained from spelling my surname here so the blog cannot be located via google search of my name. dunno lah, just feel like keeping it that way. :P)

Brrr...

I'm in London! 5 years removed from winter weather, am not used to the cold. No choice, started wearing a scarf. It's so good for keeping warm! Can't believe I didn't try this when I studied in Manchester.

Anyway, seeing as how I just touched down this afternoon and it's 8pm now, nothing much's happened besides catching up with my brothers and having dinner. So happy to see them though, we were laughing and laughing for a while there. :)

Oh yes, and my brother, being the smartest guy I know, gave me the answer to my New Year on the plane in 2 secs - If you take off at 10pm, within an hour you would have crossed into the next time zone (i.e. over Germany, France, etc), which would make it midnight. So, the likely answer would be the countdown happens within an hour of taking off. Way to go, Zhi!

More updates to follow...pictures too hopefully. =)

New Year puzzle

If a guy takes from off London on 31st December 10pm and arrives in Singapore at 7pm on 1st January, at which point does he countdown to the New Year's?

Does he get to count down across multiple timezones every hour? Or maybe the pilot will track and let the passengers know when we're in a timezone that is approaching midnight.

Someone email me and tell me!! hahaha...

Bye dear

I'll miss you. I know you do too.

Another step

Finally got the call for a 4th interview today, this time with the Head of Execution. This is the first time I've ever interviewed that many times for a job and it looks like I'm only halfway...

I'm cautiously optimistic...though somewhat disappointed since it doesn't look like this process will be finalised by the time I fly Saturday morning, like I had hoped.

Am trying to put into words and sense why I am doing this...another post to follow when I have that.

And while I'm on the plane, perhaps my thoughts on this year, 2007, which has easily been the toughest year of my 28 years.

Reminiscing...

I must be in a one of those nostalgic or reflective moods again. Thinking back, 4 years of my 4.5 year career was in a company which, though I have lots of unflattering opinions about, also gave me so many memories. The good, the bad, the ugly.

Let me share with you some of those moments...

Reflections of 4 years in EY

Finally, an update

Yes, today is the first real update in 2 months. I started posting entries for events since 15 Oct, but realised if I didn't adjust the dates, it'd be quite confusing. So yes, posts dated 15 Oct to today were all actually posted today.

My blog is becoming like my room or my personal admin. Seasonally updated/tidy.

Anyway, quick update:
- almost had another phone interview yesterday and today but the guy was on leave.
- had an optional revision session for my students and almost 60 of 171 showed up! (the room i booked baaaarely fit them)
- bummer...called up for NS for four weeks?! over CNY?!

Ah heck...looking forward to holiday in 3 days!

Oh yah...

O/S List
1. Specialist Diploma study guides
2. Module 3rd common test questions
3. Module Exam questions
4. Marking of student group projects

Sigh... must get it done soon.

A call-back!

A week after my last interview, the recruiter called me back! I tell you, I was so expecting her to tell me ah well, better luck next time. Instead, she said she had arranged a 2nd interview for yesterday evening, via conference call cos the Director was in HK.

That went well, and today they followed up with another interview, this time with the MD for Asia Pacific, though only for 10 mins.

3 down, 8-10 rounds overall... trying so hard not to get my hopes up. It's hard.

Bombed

Words cannot describe how down I feel about how the interview went today.

I guess it's because the guy had a seriously good poker face. No indication from him whether he was happy with my answers, only a mild frown occasionally.

I got an impt technical question wrong, but I'm convinced I sounded like I was smoking him at some stages. Worst of all though, I feel like my nervousness showed, which irritates me cos I'm normally very calm and confident at interviews.

At the end, he just looked at me with a stone face and said ok, we're done. That's it. No we'll be in touch, no how we'll proceed from here, just ok we're done.

But why am I so down? Why do I feel like my confidence in myself has taken a hit? Is it because I want it so badly and it looks like I can't have it? (I hope not). Or is it because of my pride, that I want to do well in everything that I do? Either way, I don't feel so great...

Am I so lousy that the lack of affirmation from a stranger can have such an effect on me? I can't believe it. Get a grip of yourself!

Ah well... perhaps it's not meant to be. Worse, perhaps I'm not good enough for this industry?

Finally...a call!

Just last Sunday, I was seriously fretting about the lack of response from all my application sending. But yesterday, I finally got a call from a recruiter regarding an investment banking position in Singapore!

Met the recruiter today and she's setting me up for an interview this Thursday. Will be the biggest interview I have ever had... I am excited, relieved and nervous, all at the same time.

Got 2 days to prepare...I have my bloomberg downloads, database downloads, newspaper extractions... all systems go now!

Please God, calm my excited heart, give me Your peace, show me what it is You want for me...

(oh ya, I postponed my GMAT till mid-Jan)